Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
