Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Enjoy the penises
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
