Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
