you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Is it penis luge time yet?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize