I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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