so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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