i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
