Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
