Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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