Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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