your parents love me but you hate me
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
