Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
you will always have a special place in my vag
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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