In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
