My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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