He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize