Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
