Its about making memories worth repressing
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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