Cold hands, warm shart.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
