Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
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