please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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