this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize