Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
