I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
