That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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