I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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