probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
