i'm signing you up for texting rehab
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I licked your asshole in confidence.
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