found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
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