oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
