I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
