Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
