Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
