I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
