I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Even the bartender felt bad for me
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
