How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
