you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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