Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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