P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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