i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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