HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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