my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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