WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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