I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
