I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
