think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize