I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
