kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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