A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I wish i was in the wii world.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize