You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
nutella sex= disaster
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
