Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
