Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
