a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
