I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
