I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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