watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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