Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
