uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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