I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
