But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Ladies don't puke and tell
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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