Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
