Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
