I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
