Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
