Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
