the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
