We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
false alarm. still invincible.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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