i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
